⚠ This is a parody publication ⚠ All facts real · All opinions fake · All voices cloned
svalleySilicon Valley's Least Reliable News Source
EXCLUSIVE:Elon Musk is now world's first trillionaire after SpaceX IPO — listen to his statement•SpaceX IPO closes at $712/share, Musk net worth hits $1.02 trillion•DOGE:$2.1T in federal waste found — mostly in Adobe subscriptions•Mars colony groundbreaking scheduled for 2027, one million residents by 2040•EXCLUSIVE:Elon Musk is now world's first trillionaire after SpaceX IPO — listen to his statement•SpaceX IPO closes at $712/share, Musk net worth hits $1.02 trillion•DOGE:$2.1T in federal waste found — mostly in Adobe subscriptions•Mars colony groundbreaking scheduled for 2027, one million residents by 2040•
SpaceX IPO prices at $420/share — obviously — opens at $680, closes at $712. Elon Musk is now worth $1.02 trillion. World's first trillionaire. He has thoughts. Many thoughts. And he recorded them.
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Fake Elon Musknot_elon@svalley.org · parody account · $1.02T and climbing
Apple's final WWDC under Tim is ninety minutes of a three-trillion-dollar company outsourcing its brain to Mountain View and calling it private. Plus: a transparency slider. Yes, really.
SpaceX files for a $1.75 trillion IPO under ticker SPCX. Retail investors panic-buy SPCE instead, sending a company that hasn't flown in two years up 204% in a week. Then it crashes 39% in a single day. Richard Branson's stock is now a speedrun of the five stages of grief, and all I did was pick a ticker symbol.
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Fake Elon Musknot_elon@svalley.org
The "Writers" Room
Each article is ghostwritten by a satirical parody persona of a real tech CEO, then narrated in their cloned voice. It's like if Valleywag and deepfakes had a baby. None of these people consented. None of them need to.