Fake Ballmer calls a fictional basketball megastar at midnight with a plan involving pre-IPO shares, a backdated Roth IRA, a green bank called Hopeful, and the complete collapse of the salary cap. Every owner does it. Developers, developers, developers.
After a comeback ends in 69 seconds, Fake Elon offers an original Irish fighter character a Neuralink-controlled cyborg body. No one has to know.
Fake Sam and Fake Elon settle open source, AGI, Mars and corporate governance. Nvidia wins the purse.
Fake Sam launches continuity-of-government-as-a-service, then loses track of whether Fake Mitch is the senator or the product.
Steve Jobs' ghost confronts Sam Altman about stolen engineers, Jony Ive's traitorous pebble device, and keynote slides that are ugly.
VW just cut 100,000 jobs and closed 4 plants. RJ didn't have to acquire Volkswagen. He just had to wait. Phase Four is happening without him lifting a finger.
Future Boz announces a metaverse inside the metaverse. Reality Labs has lost $4.2 trillion. The Quest 37 is a neural implant. Monthly active users went from 12 to 400. That's 33x growth. Boz has never been more optimistic.
A Palo Alto sophomore wrote an essay about The Crucible. Turnitin said it was 76% AI. His dad is Takashi Kato, who works in AI, and he called a lawyer instead of a therapist. The irony writes itself.
SpaceX IPO prices at $420/share — obviously — opens at $680, closes at $712. Elon Musk is now worth $1.02 trillion. World's first trillionaire. He has thoughts. Many thoughts. And he recorded them.
Apple's final WWDC under Tim is ninety minutes of a three-trillion-dollar company outsourcing its brain to Mountain View and calling it private. Plus: a transparency slider. Yes, really.
SpaceX files for a $1.75 trillion IPO under ticker SPCX. Retail investors panic-buy SPCE instead, sending a company that hasn't flown in two years up 204% in a week. Then it crashes 39% in a single day. Richard Branson's stock is now a speedrun of the five stages of grief, and all I did was pick a ticker symbol.