Steve Ballmer calls LeBron James at midnight after the Aspiration ruling. What follows is a masterclass in financial creativity, questionable legal advice, and a lawyer disguised as a DoorDash driver. "Sanberg was DUMB! I'm using THREE companies that have NO connection to me!"
Elon Musk calls Conor McGregor with a proposal: titanium legs, Neuralink-controlled fists, a gold-plated skeleton, and an autonomous fighting mode called Full Self Fighting. Conor wants to announce it mid-fight.
Sam Altman and Elon Musk accidentally stay on a Zoom call after everyone else leaves. They discuss lawsuits, AGI, the OpenAI heist, and the Boring Company. Neither will admit this happened.
A Palo Alto sophomore wrote an essay about The Crucible. Turnitin said it was 76% AI. His dad works in AI, and he called a lawyer instead of a therapist. The irony writes itself.
SpaceX IPO prices at $420/share — obviously — opens at $680, closes at $712. Elon Musk is now worth $1.02 trillion. World's first trillionaire. He has thoughts. Many thoughts. And he recorded them.
Apple's final WWDC under Tim is ninety minutes of a three-trillion-dollar company outsourcing its brain to Mountain View and calling it private. Plus: a transparency slider. Yes, really.
SpaceX files for a $1.75 trillion IPO under ticker SPCX. Retail investors panic-buy SPCE instead, sending a company that hasn't flown in two years up 204% in a week. Then it crashes 39% in a single day. Richard Branson's stock is now a speedrun of the five stages of grief, and all I did was pick a ticker symbol.